This is the way, walk in it.

If you have ever spent time in the BWCA or on other hiking trails you may be familiar with rock cairns.  A rock  cairn is simply a pile of rocks.  In places like the Boundary Waters they are used to mark a trail.  There is a portage in the Boundary Waters that connects Seagull lake and Paulson lake.  At times this portage crosses some large rocks.  Without the rock cairns left by others, my campers and I surely would have lost our way.  These  cairns point you in the right direction and ensure a safe passage to the next lake.

In Genesis we read about God testing Abraham.  An altar is built in preparation for the sacrifice of his son Isaac.  As we all know, an angel appeared telling Abraham not to lay a hand on the boy.  Abraham sacrifices a ram instead and recognizes that that is a place where the Lord provides.  That place became a sacred place and when I think of the altar that Abraham built I imagine a rock  cairn.

Last year I went through Strength Finders for the second time.  Both times one of my signature strengths was titled futuristic.  I am energized by the possibility of the future for myself and for those around me.  I love to dream about what is to come and make goals for the coming years.  At times, this strength can also be a great weakness.  It can be easy for me to get caught in the future.  I am always working towards balancing my excitement about the future with a joy for the present.  I am extremely thankful for this opportunity to live and learn in Swaziland for four months but I often find myself getting a little too antsy about what is next.  These past few weeks I have had to put a significant amount of thought towards being present.  The combination of homesickness and an uncertainty about summer and fall plans have made this difficult. 

This week Bailey and I spent some time the Mkhombokati care point doing interviews with the cooks who participate in Timbali.  Nearby a small group of children were playing, stacking rocks on top of each other.  To them it may have just been a pile of rocks, but to me this was a beautiful rock cairn, an altar.  I believe that there is never one path that God intends us to take.  Sure, we may be called to do some specific things but in general I think that, because of our free will, we can go anywhere and do anything with our lives.  What’s important is that along the way we praise and serve God with all of our heart.  Upon seeing this rock  cairn I was reminded that I am on the right path.  I am not saying that at that moment God wanted me to be at Mkombokati, or in Swaziland, or even in Africa.  Rather, this rock cairn showed me is that I am on the right path in terms of how I am living my life.  This stack of rocks reminded me that God is with me and that God will provide.  This is the encouragement that I needed to be present here.  Today, I am in Swaziland.  I am serving God.  This is what I God has intended for my                                                                                  life.  I am on the right path.

And when you turn to the right or when you turn to the left, your ears shall hear a word behind you, saying, “This is the way, walk in it.”   -Isaiah 30:21    

Preschool.

Two days a week Bailey and I have been helping out at one of the preschools/care points in Manzini.  This care point is across the street from the city dump and it is one of the roughest areas of town.  On an average day 217 children flock to this small compound for a meal of rice and beans.  Many of these kids come after school.  We only interact with the 30 kids that attend the preschool.  These thirty kids are full of energy and are always climbing and clinging to Bailey and me.  Some days are better than others but on a whole I have really struggled with enjoying my time here.  It is difficult to show affection to the children when they are climbing all over you.  I often find myself losing my patience with them.

Most days I leave preschool feeling tired and dirty but today I left with feeling hopeless.  Our days consist of two hours of class room time, an hour of free time, and one more hour in the class room.  During the free time Bailey and I sat down to chat with Treasure, the teacher.  After some small talk she began to share with us a little more of this places background.  I was aware that the folks in this specific community are living in extreme poverty and so I asked if many of the children’s parents had jobs.  Treasure shook her head no and said “they drink from sun up to sun down.”  Alcoholism has plagued this community.  These preschoolers are surrounded by family members and neighbors who do nothing else but drink.  Treasure continued by telling us some devastating stories of her students seeing sexual encounters by their drunken parents and then repeating them with their peers.  A teacher should never have to split up two of her preschool students from having sex in the bathroom.  She expressed her deep sadness in these experiences and her frustration in not knowing how to deal with the situation.  What would you do?  Do you punish these children who are only repeating what they see all around them?  Through no fault of their own they have lost their innocence.  She went on to tell us more stories of her students themselves getting drunk.  These families, who at times cannot afford food or clothes, will buy their children alcohol for holidays.  Another student once informed Treasure that if she needed more money she could look for boys at the nearest bar.  How does a preschool girl know about prostitution? 

These handful of stories were heart breaking to hear and they left me with a sense of hopelessness.  It is not fair that these children have lost their innocence.  How long has this been going on and how long will it continue?  Will this cycle ever be broken?  I know that the rest of my time at this preschool will not be easy and my same frustrations will still exist but I know have a clearer understanding as to why these children act the way that they do.  I am sad to hear about the reality here but with this knowledge I will have a new tolerance and a stronger desire to teach and care for these kids.  

helpful or harmful?

Part of our responsibilities here in Swaziland is to update all of the information on the women who participate in Timbali crafts.  Every week Bailey and I complete one on one interview with a handful of women.  During this time we do our best to get to know the ladies.  We have a list of questions that help us to gather information about the ladies and we give the women an opportunity to voice their opinions about timbali, the care points, and visiting teams.  Earlier this week we visited one of the cooks from the Timbutini care point.  We asked her if she would like to see the teams do anything differently.  She then proceeded to tell us about a few children who are living on their own and said that it would be nice if the teams could visit them.  

Bailey and I could not make any promises that a team could visit but we offered to take time on Saturday to stop by the children's homestead.  So, after sewing with the teen girls Bailey, Lingilwe, Titi, and I went to visit the child-run household.  This family has seven children in total.  The father passed away and the mother abandoned her children.  The older siblings have all left for schooling or employment leaving twin thirteen year olds and a ten year old to fend for themselves.  These three children eat at the care point on week days and they are able to go to school (The government pays school fees for orphans).  It is heartbreaking thinking of these three young children living on their own.  They have no guaranteed protection or meals.  Bailey and I were eager to meet this small family and deliver some basic groceries.  We hope to return every week to spend time with the kids, bringing with us a craft or a soccer ball.  We want to help this small family with their basic needs while creating a friendship with them.


During our visit I got to thinking about the importance of sustainability.  I have the resources to help these children until May and I want to help them.  Our visits have the benefit of ensuring that these children have food for the next week.  But in the long run could this do more harm then good.  I do not want to take away opportunities for this community to care for these children.  I am only here until May, what will happen after I leave?  How can I, an outsider, encourage engagement from the community to care for these children?  What is the most helpful way that I can participate in their well being?  I want to help, and I can help, but is this the right way to go about it?  

I finally read some Wendell Berry.

Just finished reading the book Recollected Essays 1965-1980 by Wendell Berry.  It lost my interest at times and completely consumed my thoughts at other times.  Here are a few of my favorite portions of the book. 

“But the binoculars not only give access to knowledge of lives that are usually elusive and distant; they make possible a peculiar imaginative association with those lives.  While opening and clarifying the remote, they block out the immediate.  Where one is no longer apparent, it is as though one stood at the window of a darkened room, lifted into a world that cannot be reached except by flying.  The treetops are no longer a ceiling, but a spacious airy zone full of perching places and nervously living lights and shadows.  One sees not just the bird, but something of how it is to be the bird.  One’s imagination begins to reach and explore into the sense of how it would be to be without barriers, to fly over the river, to perch at the frailest, most outward branchings of the trees.” –Page 51 The Long-Legged House

On moving his family back to his childhood home.

“I had made a significant change in my relation to the place: before, it had been mine by coincidence or accident: now it was mine by choice.  My return, which at first had been hesitant and tentative, grew wholehearted and sure…In this awakening there has been a good deal of pain.  When I lived in other places I looked on their evils with the curious eye of a traveler; I was not responsible for them; it cost me nothing to be a critic, for I had not been there long, and I did not feel that I would stay.  But here, now that I am both native and citizen, there is no immunity to what is wrong.  It is impossible to escape the sense that I am involved in history.   What I am has been to a considerable extent determined by what my forebears were, by how they chose to treat this place while they lived in it: the lives of most of them diminished it, and limited its possibilities, and narrowed its future.  And every day I am confronted by the question of what inheritance I will leave.” Pages 79-80 A Native Hill

“The difference between a path and a road is not only the obvious one.  A path is little more than a habit that comes with knowledge of a place.  It is a sort of ritual of familiarity.  As a form, it is a form of contact with a known landscape.  It is not destructive.  It is the perfect adaptation, through experience and familiarity, of movement to place; it obeys the natural contours; such obstacles as it meets it goes around.  A road, on the other hand, even the most primitive road, embodies a resistance against the landscape.  Its wish is to avoid contact with the landscape; it seeks so far as possible to go over the country, rather than through it; its aspiration, as we see clearly in the example of our modern freeways, is to bridge; its tendency is to translate place into space in order to traverse it with the least effort.  It is destructive, seeking to remove or destroy all obstacles in its way.  The primitive road advanced by the destruction of the forest; modern roads advance by the destruction of topography.” –Page 86 A Native Hill

Enjoy Mom, this one is for you!

“But there is not only peacefulness, there is joy.  And the joy, less deniable in its evidence than the peacefulness, is the confirmation of it.  I sat one summer evening and watched a great blue heron make his descent from the top of the hill into the valley.  He came down at a measured deliberate pace, stately as always, like a dignitary going down a stair.  And then at a point I judged to be midway over the river, without at all varying his wingbeat he did a backward turn in the air, a loop-the-loop.  It could only have been a gesture of pure exuberance, of joy-a speaking of his sense of the evening, the day’s fulfillment, his descent homeward.  He made just the one slow turn, and then flew on out of sight in the direction of a slew farther down in the bottom.  The movement was incredibly beautiful, at one exultant and stately, a benediction on the evening and on the river and on me.  It seemed so perfectly to confirm the presence of a free nonhuman joy in the world-a joy I feel a great need to believe in-that I had the skeptic’s impulse to doubt that I had seen it.  If I had, I thought it would be a sign of the presence of something heavenly in the earth.  And then, one evening a year later, I saw it again.” –Page 112 A Native Hill

An Entrance to the Woods.  It is too long to type up but I hope you all go out and find this essay asap.  I read this for the first time from my Hammock under the bright, hot Swaziland sun.  While reading this I felt back at home in the woods.  I have missed a lot of people while I have been here but I think what I have missed most is simply being able to retreat to the woods by myself.  Reading this essay brought me back there, if only for a few moments. 

“No place is to be learned like a textbook or a course in school, and then turned away from forever on the assumption that one’s knowledge of it is complete.  What is to be known about it is without limit, and it is endlessly changing.  Knowing it is therefore like breathing: it can happen, it stays real, only on the condition that it continue to happen.  As soon as it is recognized that a river- or, for that matter, a home-is not a place but a process, but not a fact but an event, there ought to come an immense relief: one can step into the same river twice, one can go home again. –page 248 The unforeseen Wilderness

“Where I am going I have never been before.  And since I have no destination that I know, where I am going is always were I am.  When I come to good resting places, I rest.  I rest whether I am tired or not because the places are good.  Each one is an arrival.  I am where I have been going.  At a narrow place in the stream I sit on one side and prop my feet on the other.  For a while I content myself to be a bridge.  The water of heaven and earth is flowing beneath me.  While I rest a piece of the world’s work is continuing here without my help.”- Page 265 The Journey’s End

Headbands to School Fees

                                                                                                           After several weeks of planning and preparing, Bailey and I finally met with the teen girls at Timbutini!  We are going to begin meeting with these girls every week to work on a craft project that will help them to raise money for their school fees. In my opinion, everything went really well.  Titi met with us to translate and help to lead the project.  Thirteen girls from the community showed up eager to participate.  Their ages ranged from 13-18, although most of the girls were closer to 13.  We spent the first portion of our time together with introductions, a quick get to know you game, and guidelines for the project.  Promises here are taken very seriously and so we wanted to make everything as clear as possible so that there were no expectations that we couldn't fulfill. 

                                                                                                                          

 

For this project we have decided to sew headbands.  This will be fairly easy but everything will be done by hand so we had to make it very clear that everything needs to be done well.  We decided that to begin, all of the sewing will be done together when we met every Saturday.  Every girl will have an opportunity to sew the same amount of headbands but they must show up every week.  The girls will receive two rand (about 25 cents) up front for every head band that they turn in.  Timbali will put the rest of the money aside and it will go directly to school fees.  We are still figuring everything out but we figure that if each girl makes about 15 to 20 headbands then we should be able to cover the costs of school fees for the following year.  At the end of the project in May the girls will give their receipts to us and we will go to the bank to pay the school fees directly, this way we will avoid any misuse of the money.  We have told them that the project will end in May.  If everything goes well, Julie hopes that Titi can continue the project next year.  It would be great to continue to give these girls the opportunity to earn money for their school fees and it would be even better if it could be run by Titi, who is a part of their community. 

One of the other AIM staff members was telling us that many of the young girls from Timbutini become pregnant at a very young age.  Everyone is excited about this project and hopes that in addition to helping with school fees that it will encourage a healthy support system among these girls.  AIM has some curriculum that focuses on teaching about HIV/AIDS and more importantly showing young girls that they have value and worth.  Bailey and I have started to look over this curriculum and we hope to incorporate part of it into the time that we share with these incredible young women.  

                                                                                                                                       I am really excited about this project and for this opportunity to build relationships with these young girls.  I am also excited that from these headbands we are giving girls the opportunity to make sure that they can continue their education.  We hope to sell some of the headbands to the teams that travel to Swaziland.  Bailey and I will also be bringing some of the headbands back to the states to sell.  So, that means that you will get an opportunity to support these girls and their education.  Get ready to shop and help us turn headbands into school fees!

A Zip Lining Adventure

Last week Bailey and I visited another  nature reserve about an hour from Manzini.  This reserve is unique because they provide a tree top canopy tour!  For about two hours Bailey and I zip lined from one platform to the next, enjoying the incredible scenery as we went.  Bailey was a little nervous of the heights but she did great.  This was a really incredible experience.  The beauty of the Swaziland Mountains still awes me and it was fun to see a little bit more wildlife.  In fact, we saw three baboons and some sort of antelope. 

I had been hoping to do the zip line tour ever since we heard about it a few weeks ago.  Although there was a lot of excitement about the possible adventure, the decision was still difficult as to whether or not to go.  It was a little expensive to participate, and besides my own need for saving money, I also feel very guilty about spending so much money when I daily interact with people who live off of $2 a day.  In the end I am glad that we chose to go on the tour.  There are several reasons why I say this.  First of all I may never be back in Swaziland ever again and I need to take advantage the opportunities that I have while I am here.  Second, I see a lot of value in loving and enjoying a place. Specifically when it is this beautiful!  Finally, I am reminded of all of the discussions about self care in my social work classes.  I know myself, and I know that I am energized when I am able to retreat to places of wilderness.  I needed this day to stay healthy mentally and to fall more in love with this place.

I am realizing that, just like in all other things, balance is needed.  I by no means want to flaunt my wealth, spending money frivolously.  I also want to use my money to benefit others.  I do not want to be a tourist in this place.  I want to be committed to the people here.  It has been my goal for many years to live as simply as possible so that I can use my money and resources to help others.  So how do I find that balance?  I feel that I will be asking myself this question for the rest of my life.  For now I hope that I will be able to be mindful of the poverty that surrounds me while still enjoying this beautiful place. 

I know a lot of you have been struggling with this same thing.  Please share any thoughts, suggestions, or conclusions that you have reached.

21 memories and lessons from my 21st year of life

This year has been one adventure after another.  I experienced a lot throughout this year and I wanted to share some of the great moments of my 21^st year of life.  Enjoy.

1. Turning 21.  I am all grown up.  I had a blast celebrating my birthday with my incredible friends and family.  This was a fun weekend full of laughter.  Thanks to all of you that made this a memorable celebration!

2. It felt so good to complete the 2011 spring semester.  Talk about a stressful time in my life.  Things were stressful but in the long run it was totally worth it.  I couldn’t have made it through without some good friends by my side to remind me to laugh.

3. Life with the folks at the Lutheran Campus Ministry will forever be the best part about being a student at Bemidji State University.  I am actually getting a little teary eyed as I reflect on the friendships created through this ministry, the spiritual support that I was given, the laughter shared, and of course all of those meals consumed.  (I guess this one includes more than just last year)

4. BH2O+ 2011!  Some friends and I planned BSU’s second Be Hope To Her event last spring.  It was a joy to raise awareness around campus about lack of accessible clean water in developing countries.  We raised some money for wells and walked around campus with large yellow buckets on our head.  The event ended with everyone gathering in a circle to talk about their thoughts on the event.  This was one of the most inspirational conversations that I have ever taken part in!

5. A third trip to Guatemala.  I skipped a week of classes but it was totally worth it.  What a joy it was to see the community of Nueva Guatemala again.  I love being “Choosea!”  I also really enjoyed our delegation and I was ecstatic to spend a week with good friends who I rarely see.

6. "Nothing compares with the simple pleasure of a bike ride." -John F. Kennedy  I rode my bike a lot this past year.  It was good. 

7.  A year of dreads.  I cut off my dread locks, mostly because they wouldn’t fit under my graduation hat.  All in all, I really miss my dreads.  I wish that I would have kept with it for at least one more year.  They are gone now but my year of dreads gave me a lot more confidence in myself. 

8. Graduating (kinda)! I walked at graduation last May even though I still had two semesters left.  My time at BSU had come to an end and I wanted to walk with the rest of my Social Work Cohort.  This was a fun celebration and I am glad that I walked at this graduation ceremony.

9.  A second summer at Wilderness Canoe Base.  After taking two summers off for other adventures I was thankful to return to camp for another summer.  I truly appreciate this community and was happy to be reunited with this place.  WCB always helps me to center myself.  After such a hectic semester it felt good to take lots of time to myself reexamining my goals, motives, dreams and beliefs.  I am also thankful for the new friendships created this summer and the old friendships that were strengthened. 

10.  Life as a canoe guide.  I had the great blessing to lead some truly incredible kids through the BWCA this summer.  I still cannot believe that I actually got paid to go on these trips!  My favorite trip was a short three nighter with a group from the Plymouth Youth Center.  These kids had never been canoeing or camping, never made food over an open fire (some had never had s’mores), most had never spent a day without their phones, and one girl had never jumped off of a dock into a lake.  All of these new experiences made this trip challenging at times and meant more work for me but it also meant that everything was new and exciting.  These kids had been through some pretty rough times.  They all knew hardships through growing up in foster homes, moving to new a new country, losing loved ones due to violence, gang involvement, and becoming a mother at seventeen.  For this week this group had the opportunity to be kids again, to paddle, swim, play, and enjoy the incredible BWCA.  I will never forget this group and I am thankful for the few days that we spent together!   

11.  Paddling the border route from Seagull Lake to Fort Charlotte and completing Grand Portage.  I carried an aluminum canoe 8.5 miles with a nasty infected in-grown toe nail.  Yuck.  Physically, this was the most difficult thing I have ever done.  If I can do this, I can do anything.  I really appreciated the support of my campers and my co-guide on this trip.  We had a great little community of support and because of that we were able to accomplish one great adventure!

12. Finding a new home in Duluth.  I had a blast getting to know this new city and I cannot wait to return!

13. The Loaves and Fishes community.  The Bible story about Loaves and Fishes is all about sharing what you have with others.  My experience with this community was just that.  I lived at Olive Branch from August to December.  This was a trying experience at time but that did not stop me from falling in love with the people living and working within this community.  I learned so much from everyone and I feel so blessed to have found another family within these houses of hospitality!

14. CHUM.  I spent this fall as an intern for Churches United in Ministry.  This is a homeless shelter that provides people with their basic needs, works towards stabilization, and strives to bring about social change within the community.  This was an incredible learning experience that has truly prepared me for wherever the future may go.  I loved being a part of CHUM for those few months.    

15. Shane Claiborne Event.  While working at CHUM I was able to be a part of the committee that planned the Fall Community Assembly.  The speaker for this year’s assembly just happened to be one of my favorite authors.  I really enjoyed planning this event.  Everything ran very smoothly and it was exciting to meet Shane in person.  The best part of this event was that my Mom, my pastor, and two of my friends drove up from the cities to see Shane speak.  I was so happy to share this event with people who I love.

16. All Souls Day Parade.  I learned how to stilt walk this fall!  For all souls day I joined a troupe of other stilt walkers and together we lead a procession of about 50 or so people.  We made some awesome skeleton costumes and strapped on our stilts, leading the group up and down a cobblestone hill at night.  This was such a fun event.  Moving to Duluth I never thought that I would learn how to stilt walk.  I am so excited about this new hobby and I cannot wait to master some higher stilts.

17. Lake Superior.  I feel very drawn to this big BIG lake.  In September I went for a dip with some friends and two of us decided to make it our goal to jump in to the lake every month of the year.  So far, we have completed September-January.   I am excited to complete our goal next winter.   

18. New Years at Camp.  This was my 6^th New Years that I have celebrated at Wilderness Canoe Base.  This celebration was full of broom ball, winter hikes to the bear cave and rock wall, a winter bonfire, polar plunges, good friends, jam sessions, card games, and much laughter.  This trip was especially appreciated this winter because of the lack of snow everywhere else in the state.  I was pleased to get a small winter fix before running away to Swaziland for several months. 

19. The first two weeks of the new year.  I spent these two weeks enjoying time with good friends and family.  I had a blast traveling around the state (and WI) and catching up with friends.  I would like to extend a big thank you to all of you who opened up your homes, dorm rooms, and schedules for me.  I enjoyed sharing meals, having good conversations, playing games, and going on adventures with each and every one of you.  I love you all.

20. Returning to Swaziland.  Finally after 2.5 years I have returned to Swaziland.  The trip is just beginning but the first few weeks have been incredible.  I feel so blessed to be reunited with friends and to see this beautiful place during the Swaziland Summer months.

21. Working with Timbali crafts.  I am spending my final semester working with Timbali Crafts in Swaziland.  I am very excited and thankful for this incredible opportunity.

 If you know me well you know that I am a dreamer.  A lot has happened this year.  All of these new experiences and relationships have allowed me to dream even more about the possibilities of the future.  Thank you to everyone who made these experiences possible, thank you to everyone who has supported me throughout this incredible year, thank you to everyone who has joined me on adventures and dreamed alongside of me.  I cannot wait to see what dreams will be brought to life in my 22^nd year of life!

It is a little sad for me to think about not being home for my birthday, but when I reflect on this year I realize that every day has been a beautiful celebration of this life.  I love you all and I am so happy I have had the blessing to celebrate life with you.

Many of you have helped me celebrate past birthdays with Charity Water.  If you are interested in donating again the link to my birthday campaign is http://mycharitywater.org/p/campaign?campaign_id=23215