This is the way, walk in it.

If you have ever spent time in the BWCA or on other hiking trails you may be familiar with rock cairns.  A rock  cairn is simply a pile of rocks.  In places like the Boundary Waters they are used to mark a trail.  There is a portage in the Boundary Waters that connects Seagull lake and Paulson lake.  At times this portage crosses some large rocks.  Without the rock cairns left by others, my campers and I surely would have lost our way.  These  cairns point you in the right direction and ensure a safe passage to the next lake.

In Genesis we read about God testing Abraham.  An altar is built in preparation for the sacrifice of his son Isaac.  As we all know, an angel appeared telling Abraham not to lay a hand on the boy.  Abraham sacrifices a ram instead and recognizes that that is a place where the Lord provides.  That place became a sacred place and when I think of the altar that Abraham built I imagine a rock  cairn.

Last year I went through Strength Finders for the second time.  Both times one of my signature strengths was titled futuristic.  I am energized by the possibility of the future for myself and for those around me.  I love to dream about what is to come and make goals for the coming years.  At times, this strength can also be a great weakness.  It can be easy for me to get caught in the future.  I am always working towards balancing my excitement about the future with a joy for the present.  I am extremely thankful for this opportunity to live and learn in Swaziland for four months but I often find myself getting a little too antsy about what is next.  These past few weeks I have had to put a significant amount of thought towards being present.  The combination of homesickness and an uncertainty about summer and fall plans have made this difficult. 

This week Bailey and I spent some time the Mkhombokati care point doing interviews with the cooks who participate in Timbali.  Nearby a small group of children were playing, stacking rocks on top of each other.  To them it may have just been a pile of rocks, but to me this was a beautiful rock cairn, an altar.  I believe that there is never one path that God intends us to take.  Sure, we may be called to do some specific things but in general I think that, because of our free will, we can go anywhere and do anything with our lives.  What’s important is that along the way we praise and serve God with all of our heart.  Upon seeing this rock  cairn I was reminded that I am on the right path.  I am not saying that at that moment God wanted me to be at Mkombokati, or in Swaziland, or even in Africa.  Rather, this rock cairn showed me is that I am on the right path in terms of how I am living my life.  This stack of rocks reminded me that God is with me and that God will provide.  This is the encouragement that I needed to be present here.  Today, I am in Swaziland.  I am serving God.  This is what I God has intended for my                                                                                  life.  I am on the right path.

And when you turn to the right or when you turn to the left, your ears shall hear a word behind you, saying, “This is the way, walk in it.”   -Isaiah 30:21    

Preschool.

Two days a week Bailey and I have been helping out at one of the preschools/care points in Manzini.  This care point is across the street from the city dump and it is one of the roughest areas of town.  On an average day 217 children flock to this small compound for a meal of rice and beans.  Many of these kids come after school.  We only interact with the 30 kids that attend the preschool.  These thirty kids are full of energy and are always climbing and clinging to Bailey and me.  Some days are better than others but on a whole I have really struggled with enjoying my time here.  It is difficult to show affection to the children when they are climbing all over you.  I often find myself losing my patience with them.

Most days I leave preschool feeling tired and dirty but today I left with feeling hopeless.  Our days consist of two hours of class room time, an hour of free time, and one more hour in the class room.  During the free time Bailey and I sat down to chat with Treasure, the teacher.  After some small talk she began to share with us a little more of this places background.  I was aware that the folks in this specific community are living in extreme poverty and so I asked if many of the children’s parents had jobs.  Treasure shook her head no and said “they drink from sun up to sun down.”  Alcoholism has plagued this community.  These preschoolers are surrounded by family members and neighbors who do nothing else but drink.  Treasure continued by telling us some devastating stories of her students seeing sexual encounters by their drunken parents and then repeating them with their peers.  A teacher should never have to split up two of her preschool students from having sex in the bathroom.  She expressed her deep sadness in these experiences and her frustration in not knowing how to deal with the situation.  What would you do?  Do you punish these children who are only repeating what they see all around them?  Through no fault of their own they have lost their innocence.  She went on to tell us more stories of her students themselves getting drunk.  These families, who at times cannot afford food or clothes, will buy their children alcohol for holidays.  Another student once informed Treasure that if she needed more money she could look for boys at the nearest bar.  How does a preschool girl know about prostitution? 

These handful of stories were heart breaking to hear and they left me with a sense of hopelessness.  It is not fair that these children have lost their innocence.  How long has this been going on and how long will it continue?  Will this cycle ever be broken?  I know that the rest of my time at this preschool will not be easy and my same frustrations will still exist but I know have a clearer understanding as to why these children act the way that they do.  I am sad to hear about the reality here but with this knowledge I will have a new tolerance and a stronger desire to teach and care for these kids.  

helpful or harmful?

Part of our responsibilities here in Swaziland is to update all of the information on the women who participate in Timbali crafts.  Every week Bailey and I complete one on one interview with a handful of women.  During this time we do our best to get to know the ladies.  We have a list of questions that help us to gather information about the ladies and we give the women an opportunity to voice their opinions about timbali, the care points, and visiting teams.  Earlier this week we visited one of the cooks from the Timbutini care point.  We asked her if she would like to see the teams do anything differently.  She then proceeded to tell us about a few children who are living on their own and said that it would be nice if the teams could visit them.  

Bailey and I could not make any promises that a team could visit but we offered to take time on Saturday to stop by the children's homestead.  So, after sewing with the teen girls Bailey, Lingilwe, Titi, and I went to visit the child-run household.  This family has seven children in total.  The father passed away and the mother abandoned her children.  The older siblings have all left for schooling or employment leaving twin thirteen year olds and a ten year old to fend for themselves.  These three children eat at the care point on week days and they are able to go to school (The government pays school fees for orphans).  It is heartbreaking thinking of these three young children living on their own.  They have no guaranteed protection or meals.  Bailey and I were eager to meet this small family and deliver some basic groceries.  We hope to return every week to spend time with the kids, bringing with us a craft or a soccer ball.  We want to help this small family with their basic needs while creating a friendship with them.


During our visit I got to thinking about the importance of sustainability.  I have the resources to help these children until May and I want to help them.  Our visits have the benefit of ensuring that these children have food for the next week.  But in the long run could this do more harm then good.  I do not want to take away opportunities for this community to care for these children.  I am only here until May, what will happen after I leave?  How can I, an outsider, encourage engagement from the community to care for these children?  What is the most helpful way that I can participate in their well being?  I want to help, and I can help, but is this the right way to go about it?