Lessons from the rejected

Today I spent an hour chatting with a lady at the drop in center.  This women is in her 70's and has been homeless for the last 25 years.  She suffered severe abuse as a child and to this day struggles with a learning disability.  Throughout her life she, like most people who are homeless, has been rejected.  This population experiences rejection on a daily basis because of their homelessness, their nationality, their addictions, their mental and physical disabilities....and the list goes on and on.  These people consistently have doors shut in their face.  As an intern, I have many jobs around the drop in center, but I think that my most important job is to listen.  Sitting down with an individual and listening to their story shows people that they have purpose.  I have learned some beautiful things during these conversations and want to share them with others.  So, I am going to start a mini blog series: Lesson's from the rejected.

Lesson 1

Live by faith.  A while back I was reading the book Crazy Love by Francis Chan.  At one point in the book he challenges his readers by asking "What are you doing in your life that requires you to live by faith?"  I really struggled with this.  I live a very comfortable, cushy life.  I live my life, and I struggle to put my faith totally in God.  Today, my new friend at the drop in center reminded me of the importance of relying on God.  I was inspired by her faith.  As she shared about her life it was apparent that she knows more than anyone else I have ever met what it means to live by faith.  She shared with me that ever day she cries out to her Daddy, her Pappa, her God.  It is scary not knowing what the next day will hold?  Where she will rest her head?  Will her meals fill her stomach?  If I was in that same situation I feel that I would give up hope, lose faith.  Hearing her cry out to her Daddy was a much needed reminder for me that I can not do this on my own.  I need my Father, my God.  Relying on my own abilities will never be enough.  I must rely on God.  I must live by faith.

...for you

The body of Christ broken for you

                                The blood of Christ shed for you

Last spring I stood at the front of my home church helping to distribute communion.  The line of people waiting to receive their portion of bread and wine seemed endless.  The body of Christ broken for you.  The body of Christ broken for you.  The body of Christ broken for you.  The body of Christ broken for you.  I started to feel like a broken record.  The body of Christ broken for you.  As I reflect on this experience I began to think maybe I was just having a bad day…but then I realize that I really have no excuse for not being joyful as I distributed this incredible gift.  Anyway, half way through communion I realized that this is the body of Christ broken for you.  And this is the body of Christ broken for YOU.  And this is the body of Christ broken for YOU!  Instantly, this monotonous motion transformed into one of the most incredible and powerful lessons of my life.  Jesus’ body, blood, grace, love it’s for us all.  Each one of us is loved by Christ.  And how moving it is to break bread and place it in the outstretched hand of a friend, a family member, or a stranger…looking each one in the eye and knowing that they are loved by Christ.  You are loved by Christ.

Distributing communion has become one of my new favorite things, but I still struggle to make this lesson roll over into my daily life.  At times, it can be difficult to look every person we encounter in the eye and accept that this is the body of Christ broken for you.

I am currently working at a homeless shelter and living in a hospitality house.  I am surrounded by people struggling with homelessness, mental illness, and chemical dependency.  I see single mothers screaming at their children, I hear drunk men yelling obscenities at me from across the street, the smell cigarette smoke is always present, and people are constantly abusing the kindness of others.  It is very easy for me to look down at these people, viewing myself as superior. 

And then I am reminded of that day last spring as I distributed communion.

The body of Christ broken for you.

It is difficult to see value in all people.  It is difficult to see Christ in all people. 

So, as I continue this semester surrounded by homelessness it is my goal is to remember that Christ died for everyone.  As I follow Christ I must remember that the body of Christ is broken for us all.  Addictions, strengths, failures, mistakes, histories, successes, friends, life styles, personal hygiene…none of that will ever make anyone worthy on unworthy of the grace of God.  I must apply this to the way that I interact with the ones around me.  I am not superior to anyone and I never will be. 

This goal will not be reached easily and I know that it will be a lifelong struggle.  Further, I know that I will never be able to do this on my own.  

So please, join me.  Together let us love and care for others with the same compassion and grace that Christ gives us.

This is the body of Christ broken for you….for us all. 

Waiting...

Stuck. Static. Still. Stationary. Stagnant.

So often in life I feel stuck.  Throughout high school and even college I felt trapped.  Life seemed  like a never ending check list of to do’s…all of these boxes to check before I could reach my goals, my future, my life, my dreams.  The past few months I have had many conversations with people about these frustrations.  We all seem to be waiting for something.  Waiting for that promotion, waiting to get the kids through college, waiting for that diploma, waiting, waiting, static waiting.

But waiting for what?

Once we finish one “check list” it seems that another is created instantly.  When will we finally be happy about where we are in life?  When will we stop dragging our feet around, complaining about our life? When will really start living?

Two weeks ago I moved to a new town.  I moved into a hospitality house and started an internship at a homeless shelter.  This is what I have been waiting to do for years!  I am fulfilling my dreams.  But for some reason I still find myself stuck in the future, impatiently waiting for the next thing, the next job, the next adventure. 

While it is good to dream about the possibilities of the future, it is my goal this semester to put more focus on the here and now.  No more waiting for Me!  God is able to use all of us in incredible ways.  We don’t have to wait for that college degree, that high school diploma, or that promotion.  Keep pursuing your goals but be joyful in the meantime.  Where ever we are right now…God is willing to work through us.  Be open to whatever comes your way.  Allow every moment to be an opportunity to

Love.  Serve.  Laugh.  Worship. Live.

Waves.

“Do you know?  Have you not heard?  The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth.  He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom.  He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.  Even youth grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.”

-Isaiah 40:27-31

My summer is in full swing as a canoe guide in the BWCA.  We have completed our staff training, staff trip, and my first two trips.  I still cannot believe that I am getting paid to spend my summer guiding in the boundary waters.  So far this summer has been incredible.  I feel so refreshed and genuinely happy.  I have a big year ahead of me but it is refreshing to just be content with where I am right now.  The last year was a busy one and I have also been thankful to have had time to just be still!

I feel that sometimes I get some of my best thinking done when I am sitting in a canoe with a paddle in hand.  A few weeks ago I went on a day trip with a friend of mine from camp.  We spent the morning paddling across Seagull, through Alpine, up Red Rock and into Sag.  The waves on sag were pretty bad and it took a solid hour of hard paddling to get out of the wind.  During this portion of the paddle it was really easy for me to focus only on the waves.  As I dug my paddle into the water all I saw was the next wave crashing over the canoe.  At some point during this tiring paddle I glanced up and noticed a hillside covered in quaking aspens.  Did you know that some believe the quaking aspen to be the biggest organism in the world because of the connected root system?  It’s amazing!  Then I looked above me and saw an incredible blue sky with big fluffy clouds.  To my left there was a beautiful shore line of huge trees, untouched by the recent fire.  As I looked around me I realized that I was surrounded by nothing but God’s beautiful creation.  How often do we miss God’s presence in our lives because we are focusing only on the waves that are crashing over our canoe?

The last year has been difficult.  It was a great year but often I feel that I only saw the waves that had become present in my life, the stresses of a full load of senior level classes.  Looking back at the year I regret that I didn’t allow myself to be energized by the glory of God that is constantly surrounding me. 

Our Lord is the everlasting God who gives us strength.  I hope that this is a lesson that will never be forgotten.       

Pray with me...

an appropriate prayer for me in this time of change and transition...please pray with me.

"Lord, we pray for humility of mind to discern you in our visions and our dreams.  We pray for wisdom to know what to do with your revelations.  We pray for innocence to trust that you are walking with us.  Amen."

 found in the book of Common Prayer- A Liturgy For Ordinary Radicals

Neuva Guatemala-Reflections!

Here is the sermon that Taylor, Dan, and I gave the Sunday after we returned from Guatemala.  Enjoy!

http://vimeo.com/21701306

Meaning

So I just realized that I have yet to explain the meaning behind the title of my blog.

Agape. Tsandza. Love.

If you know me well you should, not only know what these three words mean, but also how I apply them to my life.  In case you don't know I will give you a little hint...it's all about love.

Agape, or agaph, is the Greek word for love.  The Greeks realized that there are a number of different ways that the word "love" can be used.  Instead of overusing the word "love," like we commonly do, they came up with three different words that can be used to express their love towards different things.  In fact the city of Philadelphia got its name from the word philia which means friendship.  The word agape is used to explain the greatest love of all.  Agape is more than just affection, this is a love that is willing to sacrifice itself for another.  This is Jesus' love for us.  Two and a half years ago I had agaph tattooed on to my forearm as a reminder that I am loved.  I am loved so much that Jesus gave up his own life for me.  I also got this tattoo as a constant reminder to express Jesus' love to all people.  A few weeks ago I was helping out at church by distributing communion during one of our church services.  One by one people approached me with their hands out stretched, waiting for their piece of bread.  As I gave each person a piece of bread I looked into their eyes and recited my line, "This is the body of Christ, broken for you."  Half way through distributing the communion I realized just how beautiful this sacrifice truly is.  Jesus died for everyone!  There are over 6 billion people in this world just right now...and he loves them all, equally!  I have now gotten in the habit of reciting these lines in my mind daily as I pass by friends and strangers alike.  "This is the body of Christ, broken for you.  This is the blood of Christ, shed for you."  I strive to daily acknowledge this gift of love that has been given to all people while doing my best to love others the way that Christ loves me.

Tsandza is the SiSwati word for love.  In the summer of 2009 I was able to fulfill a life long dream by going to Swaziland Africa.  Swaziland is a small country, about the size of New Jersey, just above South Africa.  This country has the highest HIV/AIDS prevalence in the entire world.  The United Nations has estimated that by the year of 2050 the entire country will be wiped out because of AIDS.  The statistics are disgusting.  The people of Swaziland are consistently surrounded by death, pain, illness, hunger, and poverty.  But, similar to Nueva Guatemala, the people of Nsoko, Swaziland have taught me so much about the power of faith, the importance of love, and the hope of eternity.  "I saw what I saw and I can't forget it. I heard what I heard and I can't go back.  I know what I know and I can't deny it.  Something on the road cut me to the soul, Your (their) pain has changed me, your dream inspires, your face a memory, your hope a fire, your courage asks me what I'm afraid of, and what I know of love" (I saw what I saw by Sara Groves).  The people of Nsoko have change me so much.  I love them dearly and a large piece of my heart will forever belong to this community.  I have plans to return to Swaziland a year from now...but until then I will tell people of this beautiful place, and the incredible tsandza that is even more prevalent than the HIV that is killing the nation.

Love.  I truly hope that everyone knows this one!  love,  it's what drives me, inspires me, encourages me, strengthens me, and defines me.  Need I say more?