21 memories and lessons from my 21st year of life

This year has been one adventure after another.  I experienced a lot throughout this year and I wanted to share some of the great moments of my 21^st year of life.  Enjoy.

1. Turning 21.  I am all grown up.  I had a blast celebrating my birthday with my incredible friends and family.  This was a fun weekend full of laughter.  Thanks to all of you that made this a memorable celebration!

2. It felt so good to complete the 2011 spring semester.  Talk about a stressful time in my life.  Things were stressful but in the long run it was totally worth it.  I couldn’t have made it through without some good friends by my side to remind me to laugh.

3. Life with the folks at the Lutheran Campus Ministry will forever be the best part about being a student at Bemidji State University.  I am actually getting a little teary eyed as I reflect on the friendships created through this ministry, the spiritual support that I was given, the laughter shared, and of course all of those meals consumed.  (I guess this one includes more than just last year)

4. BH2O+ 2011!  Some friends and I planned BSU’s second Be Hope To Her event last spring.  It was a joy to raise awareness around campus about lack of accessible clean water in developing countries.  We raised some money for wells and walked around campus with large yellow buckets on our head.  The event ended with everyone gathering in a circle to talk about their thoughts on the event.  This was one of the most inspirational conversations that I have ever taken part in!

5. A third trip to Guatemala.  I skipped a week of classes but it was totally worth it.  What a joy it was to see the community of Nueva Guatemala again.  I love being “Choosea!”  I also really enjoyed our delegation and I was ecstatic to spend a week with good friends who I rarely see.

6. "Nothing compares with the simple pleasure of a bike ride." -John F. Kennedy  I rode my bike a lot this past year.  It was good. 

7.  A year of dreads.  I cut off my dread locks, mostly because they wouldn’t fit under my graduation hat.  All in all, I really miss my dreads.  I wish that I would have kept with it for at least one more year.  They are gone now but my year of dreads gave me a lot more confidence in myself. 

8. Graduating (kinda)! I walked at graduation last May even though I still had two semesters left.  My time at BSU had come to an end and I wanted to walk with the rest of my Social Work Cohort.  This was a fun celebration and I am glad that I walked at this graduation ceremony.

9.  A second summer at Wilderness Canoe Base.  After taking two summers off for other adventures I was thankful to return to camp for another summer.  I truly appreciate this community and was happy to be reunited with this place.  WCB always helps me to center myself.  After such a hectic semester it felt good to take lots of time to myself reexamining my goals, motives, dreams and beliefs.  I am also thankful for the new friendships created this summer and the old friendships that were strengthened. 

10.  Life as a canoe guide.  I had the great blessing to lead some truly incredible kids through the BWCA this summer.  I still cannot believe that I actually got paid to go on these trips!  My favorite trip was a short three nighter with a group from the Plymouth Youth Center.  These kids had never been canoeing or camping, never made food over an open fire (some had never had s’mores), most had never spent a day without their phones, and one girl had never jumped off of a dock into a lake.  All of these new experiences made this trip challenging at times and meant more work for me but it also meant that everything was new and exciting.  These kids had been through some pretty rough times.  They all knew hardships through growing up in foster homes, moving to new a new country, losing loved ones due to violence, gang involvement, and becoming a mother at seventeen.  For this week this group had the opportunity to be kids again, to paddle, swim, play, and enjoy the incredible BWCA.  I will never forget this group and I am thankful for the few days that we spent together!   

11.  Paddling the border route from Seagull Lake to Fort Charlotte and completing Grand Portage.  I carried an aluminum canoe 8.5 miles with a nasty infected in-grown toe nail.  Yuck.  Physically, this was the most difficult thing I have ever done.  If I can do this, I can do anything.  I really appreciated the support of my campers and my co-guide on this trip.  We had a great little community of support and because of that we were able to accomplish one great adventure!

12. Finding a new home in Duluth.  I had a blast getting to know this new city and I cannot wait to return!

13. The Loaves and Fishes community.  The Bible story about Loaves and Fishes is all about sharing what you have with others.  My experience with this community was just that.  I lived at Olive Branch from August to December.  This was a trying experience at time but that did not stop me from falling in love with the people living and working within this community.  I learned so much from everyone and I feel so blessed to have found another family within these houses of hospitality!

14. CHUM.  I spent this fall as an intern for Churches United in Ministry.  This is a homeless shelter that provides people with their basic needs, works towards stabilization, and strives to bring about social change within the community.  This was an incredible learning experience that has truly prepared me for wherever the future may go.  I loved being a part of CHUM for those few months.    

15. Shane Claiborne Event.  While working at CHUM I was able to be a part of the committee that planned the Fall Community Assembly.  The speaker for this year’s assembly just happened to be one of my favorite authors.  I really enjoyed planning this event.  Everything ran very smoothly and it was exciting to meet Shane in person.  The best part of this event was that my Mom, my pastor, and two of my friends drove up from the cities to see Shane speak.  I was so happy to share this event with people who I love.

16. All Souls Day Parade.  I learned how to stilt walk this fall!  For all souls day I joined a troupe of other stilt walkers and together we lead a procession of about 50 or so people.  We made some awesome skeleton costumes and strapped on our stilts, leading the group up and down a cobblestone hill at night.  This was such a fun event.  Moving to Duluth I never thought that I would learn how to stilt walk.  I am so excited about this new hobby and I cannot wait to master some higher stilts.

17. Lake Superior.  I feel very drawn to this big BIG lake.  In September I went for a dip with some friends and two of us decided to make it our goal to jump in to the lake every month of the year.  So far, we have completed September-January.   I am excited to complete our goal next winter.   

18. New Years at Camp.  This was my 6^th New Years that I have celebrated at Wilderness Canoe Base.  This celebration was full of broom ball, winter hikes to the bear cave and rock wall, a winter bonfire, polar plunges, good friends, jam sessions, card games, and much laughter.  This trip was especially appreciated this winter because of the lack of snow everywhere else in the state.  I was pleased to get a small winter fix before running away to Swaziland for several months. 

19. The first two weeks of the new year.  I spent these two weeks enjoying time with good friends and family.  I had a blast traveling around the state (and WI) and catching up with friends.  I would like to extend a big thank you to all of you who opened up your homes, dorm rooms, and schedules for me.  I enjoyed sharing meals, having good conversations, playing games, and going on adventures with each and every one of you.  I love you all.

20. Returning to Swaziland.  Finally after 2.5 years I have returned to Swaziland.  The trip is just beginning but the first few weeks have been incredible.  I feel so blessed to be reunited with friends and to see this beautiful place during the Swaziland Summer months.

21. Working with Timbali crafts.  I am spending my final semester working with Timbali Crafts in Swaziland.  I am very excited and thankful for this incredible opportunity.

 If you know me well you know that I am a dreamer.  A lot has happened this year.  All of these new experiences and relationships have allowed me to dream even more about the possibilities of the future.  Thank you to everyone who made these experiences possible, thank you to everyone who has supported me throughout this incredible year, thank you to everyone who has joined me on adventures and dreamed alongside of me.  I cannot wait to see what dreams will be brought to life in my 22^nd year of life!

It is a little sad for me to think about not being home for my birthday, but when I reflect on this year I realize that every day has been a beautiful celebration of this life.  I love you all and I am so happy I have had the blessing to celebrate life with you.

Many of you have helped me celebrate past birthdays with Charity Water.  If you are interested in donating again the link to my birthday campaign is http://mycharitywater.org/p/campaign?campaign_id=23215

An Average Week

The last two weeks here in Swaziland have been a lot of orientation.  It was very important to learn our way to all of the different care points, learn about the Swaziland culture, and figure out our role here with Timbali crafts.  As we begin our third week I am pretty eager to dive in and get started.

Here is what an average week will look like.

Sunday

Of course Sunday means church.  Our first Sunday here we went to the Timbutini church along with a team that was here and a world race team.  This is a very traditional Swazi church.  The service was in a small, hot, crowded building.  The service pushed 2.5 hours…woof.  Because of our late arrival we sat in the back and I had a hard time hearing the man that was translating the message into English. 

This Sunday we went to a church called Potter’s Wheel.  This church is located near Mbane and is very different than our experience the previous Sunday.  This service was completely in English and most of the congregation were missionaries from all over the world.  The microphones ensured that I heard everything,  the seats provided much personal space for everyone, and the air conditioning was so cold that I had goose bumps the entire time.  Like I said, very different than the previous week.

Despite their differences, both were great experiences!

Monday

Monday is our day off!  Today will be pretty quite.  Titi, our Swazi friend and translator, will be braiding Bailey’s hair. I will post pictures as soon as she finishes!  I plan to spend the day reading in the Hammock that is in Julie’s back yard.  I also plan on organizing the garage were Timbali sells their products to the different teams that come through (I can’t sit still too long).

Tuesday

Jane

Right now I am most excited for Tuesdays.  Bailey and I are going to start doing an interview of sorts with all of the ladies that participate in Timbali.  The purpose of these interviews will be to update the information that Timbali has on the women.  I am excited for this because it means that Bailey and I will get to spend time with each lady, getting to know her.  It is hard being the new face around and I cannot wait to build relationships with these women.  Last week we did our first interview with a lady named Jane.  Jane is a kind hearted 66 year old.  Her family seems to always be growing and it took her a minute to count her 8 children, 20 grandchildren, and 5 great grandchildren.  She is currently caring for 6 of her grandchildren after one of her daughters passed away.  Jane has had some health problems over the past few years but that has not stopped her from cooking at the Timbutini Care Point every other week.  In fact, she has been preparing meals at this care point for the last ten years.  If you ever have the great blessing to meet Jane you will soon learn that she will talk your ear off whether or not you speak SiSwati. 

Wednesday

 Wednesdays have been pretty quite so far.  On these days we will be going to the market to buy fabric for this week’s projects.  Going to the market is always a fun experience; you never know what you will stumble upon.  Last week I found a pair of underwear with my name on the elastic…pretty awesome.

Thursday

Every Thursday Bailey and I will be at a care point as the ladies cut fabric and turn in the purses from the previous week.  As the ladies cut, we do a quality control and take inventory on all of the incoming projects.  The last Thursday of every month is pay day.  The women get paid a certain amount of money for each piece that they turn in.  This month was a short month because of their summer vacation so pay checks were smaller than normal.  Every pay day Julie buys some fresh fruit and veg so that the women can buy food for themselves and their family.  Whenever there is down time with the care point we also can go outside and play with the kids at the care point.

Friday

There are no definite things on the schedule for Fridays.  We might do more home visits, hang out at a care point down the road from our apartment, deliver paychecks and fabric to the ladies in Nsoko, or help out Titi and Julie with logistical stuff.  We will also have some Fridays off, which means adventures.  So far on our days off Bailey and I hiked and drove around Mlilwane Game Reserve and relaxed at a hotel pool.  We are both looking forward to trips to the Indian ocean and Kruger national park!

Saturday

Saturdays we are going to start working with some of the older girls at one of the care points.  We are going to do some sort of project with the girls to help them save money for school fees.  We have not started this project yet.  Hopefully things will get organized for this coming Saturday…I will fill you in later! 

What are you doing anyway?

Over the last few years many of you have heard me talk about Swaziland.  You have heard stories of my previous trips and statistics about this country. 

This post is for those of you who have not heard those stories and statistics.  I want to quickly share with you all a little bit about my home for the next four months and why I love this place so much!  I also want to give you an idea of what I will be doing while I am here. Enjoy.

So, Swaziland is a small land locked country surrounded by South Africa and Mozambique.  This is an absolutely beautiful nation.  This trip I am here during the summer and I have really enjoyed the lush green that covers the landscape, it looks much different than my first trip which was during their winter.  Swaziland is the last full monarchy in all of Africa.  The king, King Mswatti the III, rules this country alongside is 13 wives.  Today I learned that Swaziland has an enormous security budget because the budget includes protection for the gigantic royal family. 

Swaziland’s biggest challenge is the HIV/AIDS epidemic.  It has been estimated that 1 in 4 adults living in this country have the deadly virus.  Because of the high prevalence of HIV/AIDS the country is dying off at an alarming rate.  In fact, Orphans and vulnerable children account for an estimated 15% of Swaziland’s total population. 

Another challenge that I have seen on this trip is school fees.  The school year starts in January which is also when school fees are due.  For a nation that lives off an average of $2.00 a day it can be very difficult to collect enough money to put all of your children through school.  It has been proven that without education the cycle of extreme poverty will continue.   Thankfully Adventures in Mission (the organization that I am working alongside) has started a sponsorship program for school fees.  If you are interested in supporting this program financially check out this website. http://www.adventures.org/swaziland/projects.asp

During my trip here in 2009 I quickly saw that amidst the poverty and illness in this country there is a strong presence of joy, faith, and love.  I was amazed at how drastically different this was from our hectic yet lavished lifestyle in the States.  I loved every moment of my 2 month trip to a rural community called Nsoko.  I learned so much from my team mates and more importantly from the people that we were interacting with.  We spent our days at care points loving the children, we danced alongside our translators, played soccer with the children at the primary school, helped the Gogos prepare meals and wash laundry, prayed with families at their homesteads, and most importantly we experienced Christ every single day.  The moment that I left Swaziland I knew that I wanted to return.

Our home until May.  The bottom uploaded a little goofy.

So here I am, 2.5 years later, back in Swaziland.  This time around I am living in a small apartment with one other student from BSU (Bailey) in Manzini, Swaziland.  Manzini is a much bigger and more developed city when compared to Nsoko.  I am here finishing up my last semester of my undergrad.  For the next four months I will be working with Timbali Crafts (http://www.timbalicrafts.org/index.html...buy something) .  Timbali crafts is an income generating project for women.  Many of the women involved spend their days volunteering at one of the many care points around Manzini and Nsoko.  At the care points the Gogos provide a meal and a basic education for the hundreds of kids that flock to the care points daily.   These women, or Gogos, were not getting paid for their work at the care points.  Timbali empowers the women through basic crafts.  Through these craft projects the women are given an income so that they can support their family.  Timbali also helps the women save money for school fees and other expenses such as Antiretroviral which helps to control HIV/AIDS.  Timbali also provides a match program when the women save their money.  Finally, and most importantly, Timbali crafts does yearly retreats and weekly Bible studies with the women.  This aspect of Timbali builds a community of support around the women that is vital in this place with so many hardships. 

While here, we will be helping out with many aspects of Timbali crafts.  Weekly we will do home visits with our translator Titi.  The purpose of these visits will be to build relationships with the Gogos and update information on them and their family.  We will help out with some of the logistics such as buying and transporting fabric, helping out with different crafts, selling crafts to teams, and hopefully a special craft project with some of the older girls at the care points.  Bailey and I also hope to take some trips while we are here, such as days at the Indian Ocean and a trip to Krueger national park.

This first week or two will be mostly orientation to the community and the culture.  I will do my best to update you all as we really start everything here.  For now Bailey and I are going to keep practicing driving on the left side of the road.  

Oh, She’s traveling…

For those of you who know me well you know that I love sharing and hearing puke stories.  This is one of those stories!

I left for Swaziland Sunday afternoon.   Just thinking about the journey that was ahead of me brought on lots of different emotions.  I was mostly excited to know that in thirty hours I would finally be returning to Swaziland.  I was also a little sad to know that I would be leaving other homes that love dearly. 

Flight one was from Minneapolis to Washington DC.  This flight went by really fast.  I sat next to a sweet old lady (we never introduced ourselves so I do not know her name) but we spent the entire flight chatting.  She has traveled the world as a Peace Corps volunteer, with her husband who is originally from Yemen, and visiting her adult children.  I really enjoyed hearing her stories and appreciated having someone to talk to as I started my own journey.

Flight two was from DC to New York.  This was a quick flight on a little plane…and we got to board the plane celebrity style on the air strip!  I spent the short flight reading.

Flight three was from New York to Johannesburg!  Unfortunately, I first had to survive an 11 hour layover first.  Upon arriving in New York I had to switch terminals.  The train was just across the street from the airport so at one in the morning I got to ride the train from terminal 7 to terminal  4 with a handful of other people.  I guy with a sweet pair of TOMS sat next to me and I mentioned how much I liked them.  We began talking and I found out that he also had a long layover.  It was comforting to have his company.  We set up camp on a cold marble floor near the entrance of the airport.  We talked for a little while sharing stories or our travels and plans for our post grad futures.  After maybe 20 minutes we both fell asleep on the uncomfortable floor clutching our back packs.  I slept on and off until about 4 in the morning.  I finally decided to get up to find some food and noticed that my new friend had left.  I was disappointed that I didn’t get to wish him luck on his future adventures and thank him for his company.  My last 7 hours in the airport were pretty miserable.  I felt sick to my stomach and I couldn’t stop shivering.  I spent those seven hours reading, journaling, and sleeping in different places around the airport.   There was a comfortable looking chair that I had my eye on the entire time and finally near the end of my lay over it was finally vacated.  My half hour nap in the chair was incredible! 

With two hours left in my layover I was finally able to make my way through security and head towards my gate.  I was still feeling really sick but my excitement for my coming adventures was beginning to return!  There were lots of people my age waiting at the gate.  I really wanted to talk to everyone after my long lonely layover but I fell asleep before I worked up any courage to talk to anyone (eventually I talked to one girl and found out that she goes to school with Lindsay Ryan…Small world).  Finally it was time to board the plane. 

Thankfully there was no one sitting in the seat next to me so I spent the 14 hour flight sleeping and reading.  Actually, now that I think of it, I actually slept through take off!  I felt significantly better after eating something and continued to feel great until the last hour of the flight. 

This is the part of the story that you have all been waiting for!  Finally the plane landed in South Africa...I was too worried about keeping down my most recent meal to have any excitement.  As soon as the seat belt light turned off I jumped to my feet, determined to get out of the plane and in to a bathroom as quick as possible.  If I was really thinking I would have grabbed a little puke bag just in case…but unfortunately I didn’t.  I made it off the plane and in to the little walk way between the plane and the airport (what is that called?) when I realized that I wasn’t going to make it.  After a similar illness over Christmas break my entire family learned that I am still a projectile vomiter…this little fact made me very worried for the slow walking people in front of me.  I made it past a few people when I started spewing.  I forced my hand over my mouth to save them from them from my returning breakfast.  After swallowing a re-puking several times I finally made it to a garbage can.  After throwing up in front of all of my fellow travelers I ran to the nearest bathroom, partially out of fear of what was to come, but mostly from embarrassment. 

After cleaning up as best as I could I realized that I still have one more flight.  I made my way through the airport security and to my final gate with ease.  I felt much better and excitement returned to me as I realized that in less than two hours I would be back in Swaziland.  Eventually our flight was called.  I followed a few other passengers on a bus which dropped us of at our plane and my final leg of the journey.

Flight four was from Johannesburg South Africa to Manzini, Swaziland.  Thankfully, the flight was the quickest one yet.  We arrived in Manzini at a very VERY small airport.  My luggage was not in Swaziland so I gave them my phone number and hoped for the best.  I think I was too exhausted to care…and I was just happy to have finally arrived in my new home and be reunited with Bailey. 

Food, sleep, and a shower soon followed.  My luggage arrived several hours later!  The first 24 hours in Manzini have been very relaxing.  We have had some orientation but most of our time has been filled with sleeping.  I am thankful to have some rest.  Soon our days will be filled with work and learning.

I am happy to be back and I cannot wait to share more stories with you all soon.

The end.  

Thoughts on The Long Haul

Just finished reading the book The Long Haul By Myles Horton.  This was an incredible book about social change and education.  The Highlander school has positively influenced communities for over sixty years.  The following are some of my favorite quotes from the book.

“God is love, and therefore you love your neighbors.  Love was religion to her, that’s what she practiced.  It was a good nondoctrinaire background, and it gave me a sense of what was right and what was wrong.  I’ve taken this belief of my mother’s and put it on another level, but it’s the same idea.  It’s the principle of trying to serve people and building a loving world.  If you believe that people are of worth, you can’t treat anybody inhumanely, and that means you not only have to love and respect people, but you have to think in terms of building a society that people can profit most from, and that kind of society has to work on the principle of equality.  Otherwise, somebody’s going to be left out.” –page 7

“From Jesus and the prophets I had learned about the importance of loving people, and the importance of loving people, the importance of being a revolutionary, standing up and saying that this system is unjust.  Jesus to me was a person who had the vision to project a society in which people would be equally respect, in which property would be shared; he was a person who said you have to love your enemies, you have to love the people who despise you.” –page 26

“…try to find out how to get social justice and love together.” –page 32

“I don’t think you help people by keeping them enslaved to something that is less than they are capable of doing and believing.  I was told one time during an educational conference that I was cruel because I made people who were very happy and contented, unhappy, and that it was wrong to upset people and stretch their imaginations and minds, and to challenge them to the place where they got themselves into trouble, became maladjusted and so on.  My position was that I believed in changing society by first changing individuals, so that they could then struggle to bring about social changes.  There’s a lot of pain in it. And a lot of violence, and conflict/ and that is just part of the price you pay.  I realized that was part of growth-and growth is painful.  A plant comes through the hard ground. And it breaks the seed apart.  And then it dies to live again. 

I think that people aren't fully free until they’re in a struggle for justice.  And that means for everyone.  It’s a struggle of such importance that they are willing, if necessary, to die for it.  I think that’s what you have to do before you’re really free.  Then you've got so much you want to do.  This struggle is so important that it gives a meaning to life.  Now that sounds like a contradiction, but I encourage people to push limits, to try to take that step, because that’s when they are really free.” –page 184

“As I read about birds, I realized that they not only use tail winds but they don’t fight the winds.  They change their course year after year on the basis of the particular situation.  They never come back exactly the same way twice because the conditions are never the same, but they always get to their destination.  They have a purpose, change tactics according to the situation.  I thought, for God’s sake they’re pretty smart, why can’t we learn not to do things when it’s almost impossible?  Why can’t we learn to hole up and renew our strength?  Why can’t we learn to change the entire route if it’s necessary, so long as we get to the right point?  I started learning from the birds about how to take advantage of crisis situation and of the opposition and use that knowledge for my own purposes.” –page 199

“Goals are unattainable in the sense that they always grow.  My goal for the tree I planted in front of my house is for it to get big enough to shade the house, but that tree is not going to stop growing once it shades my house,  It’s going to keep on growing bigger regardless of whether I want it to or not.  The nature of my visions are to keep on growing beyond my conception.  That is why I say it’s never completed.  I think there always needs to be struggle.  In any situation there will always be something that’s worse, and there will always be something that’s better, so you continually strive to make it better.  That will always be so, and that’s good, because there ought to be growth.  You die when you stop growing.” –page 228

Lessons from the rejected

Lesson 3

Reflections from CHUM's Development Director, Mary Schmitz

I listened to a variety of Christmas music this weekend.  I love all kinds of Christmas music as it prepares me for my favorite holiday!

As I dusted and moved the furniture in preparation for putting up my Christmas decorations, I hummed along.  When “Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer” began I listened with a new pair of ears.  Rudolph was different He was left out.  Members of his community didn’t know how to engage with him.  Rudolph was hurt that he didn’t have anything to offer.

The folks we meet and advocated for at CHUM day after day are like Rudolph.  We don’t understand who they are and why they are not like us.  We can’t always see how to engage with them.  We are not sure if we should greet them, make eye contact or even if we should walk by them.  They appear different from us.

But fortunately Rudolph did have a special gift to offer, one that others couldn’t give.  Each person we meet has something to offer, even when it is not readily apparent.

As you hustle and bustle in preparation for your faith traditions holiday, take just a moment to acknowledge and engage the “Rudolph’s” among us.

I finished up my internship last week.  A majority of the time I spent at CHUM was with the employment program.  Many of the people I worked with have a pretty rough background.  Felonies and addictions make them unemployable.  I often wondered what their lives would look like if people gave them a chance.  A chance to work, to have an income, to provide for themselves and their families, to have responsibility, and to have dignity.  There is a tricky balance between having the compassion to give people a second chance while still reminding them that there are consequences for past mistakes.  With that in mind, I hope that we all can find ways to show compassion to those around us.  May we see value and worth in all people and may we empower them to live out their strengths in beautiful ways...no matter who they are.

Holy Groans By Rachel Tulloch

"As I write this, I am waiting for a bus on a busy corner in a extremely poor community in Central America, in which I lived for a year and have been visiting now for nine years. Most of the time, the tragedy of this place fades into the background of my thoughts, pushed there by familiarity, busyness, and the cheerfulness and the resilience of the people who have welcomed me here. Nonetheless, it is evident that the joy many people here display is in clear defiance of the facts of their daily existence.

Sometimes, moments like this one come when I can no longer ignore these facts, and the sense of tragedy becomes overwhelming. I can see garbage strewn around me-plastic bags, empty bottles, crumpled wrappers, cigarettes-things discarded. Since it is located on the site of an old dump, garbage literally serves as the foundation of this mini-city, which is full of people discarded. I see a young girl walking towards school and I wonder if she shares the experience of so many other girls and young women here whose bodies are used, owned, or defaced. I see a boy whose swagger makes him look older and more confident than he probably is. As he joins the group of laughing older boys, I am aware of how likely his future is to be stolen by gangs and drugs. They are more lucrative ventures than most other job options that will be available to him-lucrative as long as he is alive, that is. Beside me is a woman selling tortillas and green mangoes. Like the innumerable other single moms in this community, she must choose between being with her children and feeding them. Even the dogs, whose ugly skeletal bodies manage to reproduce at obscene rates, join this dance of joy and threat, death and life that is ordinary living here.

From behind me, I hear an old man groan; he is struggling to stand up from where he is sitting against a wall. And it seems to me right now that I can hear in his groan the groaning of this whole place, and for that matter, the groaning of all creation that Paul spoke of in Romans as it waits for its redemption. The groaning of these hills, soaked with the blood of those murdered for a cell phone or a pair of shoes. The groaning of this river, polluted with chemicals and sewage. Holy groans. Like the groans of the people in Egyptian slavery that touched the ears and heart of God. Like the groans of the psalmist while his very bones wasted away. Like groans of the crucified One, bearing the weight of the whole world's pain. I want to groan too, because I don't have any words to speak. So I am thankful for the beautiful Spirit who joins the groaning, who takes my conflicted feelings of guilt and anger and love and intercedes for me with "groans that words could not express." Holy groans.

But now, I am struck by something else. I hear the voice of a little girl coming from around the corner, singing loudly and clearly a song I know well: "Oh love of God, how rich and pure, how measureless and strong, it will forevermore endure, the saints' and angels' song!"

Love of God, rich and pure, measureless and strong. In the middle of so much suffering, this can easily sound like the mockery of an indifferent universe, I am certain of one thing: it must either be a cruel joke or the deepest possible truth. It is easy for philosophers and theologians to debate the question of suffering when they are removed from its stark reality. However, it is a costly thing for those who suffer to speak of the love of God in the midst of their pain. That is why their voice of the carries the ring and force of truth. When it come to questions of love and suffering, the voice of the smallest, the poorest, and the most vulnerable carries an authority far beyond that of philosophical treatises or the debates of the experts. I have read many good books on this topic, and I have even tried to write about it myself. But I have never read anything that speaks so profoundly to life's deepest groans than the song of this child in this place. This song does not dismiss or deny our groaning, but assures us that we do not groan in an empty void, but in the midst of a universe whose truest reality is Love."