Waiting...

Stuck. Static. Still. Stationary. Stagnant.

So often in life I feel stuck.  Throughout high school and even college I felt trapped.  Life seemed  like a never ending check list of to do’s…all of these boxes to check before I could reach my goals, my future, my life, my dreams.  The past few months I have had many conversations with people about these frustrations.  We all seem to be waiting for something.  Waiting for that promotion, waiting to get the kids through college, waiting for that diploma, waiting, waiting, static waiting.

But waiting for what?

Once we finish one “check list” it seems that another is created instantly.  When will we finally be happy about where we are in life?  When will we stop dragging our feet around, complaining about our life? When will really start living?

Two weeks ago I moved to a new town.  I moved into a hospitality house and started an internship at a homeless shelter.  This is what I have been waiting to do for years!  I am fulfilling my dreams.  But for some reason I still find myself stuck in the future, impatiently waiting for the next thing, the next job, the next adventure. 

While it is good to dream about the possibilities of the future, it is my goal this semester to put more focus on the here and now.  No more waiting for Me!  God is able to use all of us in incredible ways.  We don’t have to wait for that college degree, that high school diploma, or that promotion.  Keep pursuing your goals but be joyful in the meantime.  Where ever we are right now…God is willing to work through us.  Be open to whatever comes your way.  Allow every moment to be an opportunity to

Love.  Serve.  Laugh.  Worship. Live.

Waves.

“Do you know?  Have you not heard?  The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth.  He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom.  He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.  Even youth grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.”

-Isaiah 40:27-31

My summer is in full swing as a canoe guide in the BWCA.  We have completed our staff training, staff trip, and my first two trips.  I still cannot believe that I am getting paid to spend my summer guiding in the boundary waters.  So far this summer has been incredible.  I feel so refreshed and genuinely happy.  I have a big year ahead of me but it is refreshing to just be content with where I am right now.  The last year was a busy one and I have also been thankful to have had time to just be still!

I feel that sometimes I get some of my best thinking done when I am sitting in a canoe with a paddle in hand.  A few weeks ago I went on a day trip with a friend of mine from camp.  We spent the morning paddling across Seagull, through Alpine, up Red Rock and into Sag.  The waves on sag were pretty bad and it took a solid hour of hard paddling to get out of the wind.  During this portion of the paddle it was really easy for me to focus only on the waves.  As I dug my paddle into the water all I saw was the next wave crashing over the canoe.  At some point during this tiring paddle I glanced up and noticed a hillside covered in quaking aspens.  Did you know that some believe the quaking aspen to be the biggest organism in the world because of the connected root system?  It’s amazing!  Then I looked above me and saw an incredible blue sky with big fluffy clouds.  To my left there was a beautiful shore line of huge trees, untouched by the recent fire.  As I looked around me I realized that I was surrounded by nothing but God’s beautiful creation.  How often do we miss God’s presence in our lives because we are focusing only on the waves that are crashing over our canoe?

The last year has been difficult.  It was a great year but often I feel that I only saw the waves that had become present in my life, the stresses of a full load of senior level classes.  Looking back at the year I regret that I didn’t allow myself to be energized by the glory of God that is constantly surrounding me. 

Our Lord is the everlasting God who gives us strength.  I hope that this is a lesson that will never be forgotten.       

Pray with me...

an appropriate prayer for me in this time of change and transition...please pray with me.

"Lord, we pray for humility of mind to discern you in our visions and our dreams.  We pray for wisdom to know what to do with your revelations.  We pray for innocence to trust that you are walking with us.  Amen."

 found in the book of Common Prayer- A Liturgy For Ordinary Radicals

Neuva Guatemala-Reflections!

Here is the sermon that Taylor, Dan, and I gave the Sunday after we returned from Guatemala.  Enjoy!

http://vimeo.com/21701306

Meaning

So I just realized that I have yet to explain the meaning behind the title of my blog.

Agape. Tsandza. Love.

If you know me well you should, not only know what these three words mean, but also how I apply them to my life.  In case you don't know I will give you a little hint...it's all about love.

Agape, or agaph, is the Greek word for love.  The Greeks realized that there are a number of different ways that the word "love" can be used.  Instead of overusing the word "love," like we commonly do, they came up with three different words that can be used to express their love towards different things.  In fact the city of Philadelphia got its name from the word philia which means friendship.  The word agape is used to explain the greatest love of all.  Agape is more than just affection, this is a love that is willing to sacrifice itself for another.  This is Jesus' love for us.  Two and a half years ago I had agaph tattooed on to my forearm as a reminder that I am loved.  I am loved so much that Jesus gave up his own life for me.  I also got this tattoo as a constant reminder to express Jesus' love to all people.  A few weeks ago I was helping out at church by distributing communion during one of our church services.  One by one people approached me with their hands out stretched, waiting for their piece of bread.  As I gave each person a piece of bread I looked into their eyes and recited my line, "This is the body of Christ, broken for you."  Half way through distributing the communion I realized just how beautiful this sacrifice truly is.  Jesus died for everyone!  There are over 6 billion people in this world just right now...and he loves them all, equally!  I have now gotten in the habit of reciting these lines in my mind daily as I pass by friends and strangers alike.  "This is the body of Christ, broken for you.  This is the blood of Christ, shed for you."  I strive to daily acknowledge this gift of love that has been given to all people while doing my best to love others the way that Christ loves me.

Tsandza is the SiSwati word for love.  In the summer of 2009 I was able to fulfill a life long dream by going to Swaziland Africa.  Swaziland is a small country, about the size of New Jersey, just above South Africa.  This country has the highest HIV/AIDS prevalence in the entire world.  The United Nations has estimated that by the year of 2050 the entire country will be wiped out because of AIDS.  The statistics are disgusting.  The people of Swaziland are consistently surrounded by death, pain, illness, hunger, and poverty.  But, similar to Nueva Guatemala, the people of Nsoko, Swaziland have taught me so much about the power of faith, the importance of love, and the hope of eternity.  "I saw what I saw and I can't forget it. I heard what I heard and I can't go back.  I know what I know and I can't deny it.  Something on the road cut me to the soul, Your (their) pain has changed me, your dream inspires, your face a memory, your hope a fire, your courage asks me what I'm afraid of, and what I know of love" (I saw what I saw by Sara Groves).  The people of Nsoko have change me so much.  I love them dearly and a large piece of my heart will forever belong to this community.  I have plans to return to Swaziland a year from now...but until then I will tell people of this beautiful place, and the incredible tsandza that is even more prevalent than the HIV that is killing the nation.

Love.  I truly hope that everyone knows this one!  love,  it's what drives me, inspires me, encourages me, strengthens me, and defines me.  Need I say more?             

Why go back?

Hot. Dirty.     Unsafe drinking water.     Black beans.       Scorpions.   Out houses.    Wood plank beds.     More black Beans. 

The living conditions in Nueva Guatemala are far from ideal.  In fact, most Americans will do just about anything to avoid the things listed above.  So, why am I returning to Nueva Guatemala for the third time? 

A welcoming community.       Beautiful relationships.    Laughter.        Joy.       Faith.       Hope.       Love.

It is hard to go to Nueva Guatemala and see only the negative side of these people’s living condition.  There is an unexplainable joy in this community even though the residents of Nueva Guatemala experience a number of hardships daily. 

The main point of our congregations partnership with this community is to build relationships.  We have sent a delegation representing our church to Nueva Guatemala almost every year for the past five years.  We go expecting to help these people, teach them more about Christianity, build relationships and encourage them in their daily lives.  But every trip I feel as if I have left getting more out of the experience then I gave to the Guatemalans.   This resilient group of people has taught me so much in the last few years.  They have taught me the importance of finding joy, not matter what my circumstances may be.  They have shown me the importance of relationships and community.  They continually express love to us.  Finally, they have encouraged me to live by faith.     

I excitedly anticipate my return to Nueva Guatemala.  I cannot wait to be reunited with my friends, my brothers and sisters in Christ.  I look forward to playing with the children, helping the women cook, visiting the homes and the farms of the families, and worshiping God alongside the members of this community.  Most of all, I look forward to seeing God continue to work in this community and in the hearts of the members of our delegation. 

Prayer of the Voyageur

Help me, Lord, to leave my hurried life behind.
Help me now the quiet life within Thy templed trees and lakes to find.
Give me eyes to see each task upon the trail.
Give me faith to know Thy eyes will never fail.
Grant me patience when the portage paths seem long.
Grant me grace to share with friends in word and song.
Plant clean wings upon my feet which now with laden shoes are shod.
Silence me, O Christ, I would be still and know that Thou are God.

Amen.